
Stepcoupling: Creating and Sustaining a Strong Marriage in Today's Blended Family
Susan Wisdom (Author), Jennifer Green (Author)
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Stepparenting & Blended Families




"[Includes] a take on just about every version of a newly extended family....Stellar."—Boston Globe
Eye-opening essays by esteemed writers about the rich and complicated lives of American stepfamilies: with the U.S. divorce rate hovering around 50 percent, most people recognize remarriage as a now-familiar occurrence. And remarriage often means stepfathers, -mothers, -brothers, and -sisters, and the formation of a new type of blended family. Jacquelyn Mitchard, Barbara Kingsolver, Roxana Robinson, Susan Cheever, and others share experiences of being stepdaughters, stepmothers, or ex-wives. Andrew Solomon writes about his relationship with his stepmother. Kate Christensen celebrates the stepfather who brought guidance to her life. There are essays from writers in the same family, each with a different take on his or her postnuclear situation: Phyllis Rose discusses her second husband's qualities as a stepfather, while her son, Ted Rose, writes about his tumultuous relationship with his stepbrother from his own father's remarriage. These poignant, heartfelt, sometimes biting tales remind us of the outdated myth of the perfect nuclear family while shedding light on what it means to forge relationships with stepfamily members.
We've heard from the parents and stepparents. We've heard from the child psychologists and family counselors. Now let the children speak. Here are the wise words of ten children who grew up in stepfamilies. They are young enough to remember the experience well and old enough to have learned from it. They not only offer their poignant stories, but they add advice specifically marked for parents, stepparents, and even stepchildren. They come from different races, economic levels and from various parts of the country, but all of their stories reverberate with truth and a desire to help others. The author, a parent and stepparent herself, knew the right questions to ask and knew how to help them translate their sometimes painful experience into lessons from which all of us can learn.

Prior to 1990, fewer than 5% of domestic infant adoptions were open. In 2012, 90% or more of adoption agencies are recommending open adoption. Yet these agencies do not often or adequately prepare either adopting parents or birth parents for the road ahead of them! The adult parties in open adoptions are left floundering.
There are many resources on why to do open adoption, but what about how? Open adoption isn't just something parents do when they exchange photos, send emails, share a visit. It's a lifestyle that may feel intrusive at times, be difficult or inconvenient at other times. Tensions can arise even in the best of circumstances. But knowing how to handle these situations and how to continue to make arrangements work for the child involved is paramount. This book offers readers the tools and the insight to do just that. It covers common open-adoption situations and how real families have navigated typical issues successfully. Like all useful parenting books, it provides parents with the tools to come to answers on their own, and answers questions that might not yet have come up.
Through their own stories and those of other families of open adoption, Lori and Crystal review the secrets to success, the pitfalls and challenges, the joys and triumphs. By putting the adopted child at the center, families can come to enjoy the benefits of open adoption and mitigate the challenges that may arise.
More than a how-to, this book shares a mindset, a heartset, that can be learned and internalized, so parents can choose to act out of love and honesty throughout their child’s growing up years, helping that child to grow up whole.

'I've got the love to give. Now how can I get my stepchild to accept it?' Does that question sound familiar? Whether you are presently a stepparent, a dating single parent, or in the courtship stage before marriage, the challenge of blending families is one of the most difficulty you will ever face. Winning the Heart of Your Stepchild is a hands-on guidebook for today's men and women who face the special challenge of blending families. Because children must process so many emotions and thoughts -- guilt over the divorce, unrealistic expectations, a sense of panic or fear -- parents must learn to interpret those feelings and behaviors for any new family to succeed. This book shows how to - create an open atmosphere in the home - give reassuring answers to a child's questions - become a strong team with your new spouse - deal with the inevitable challenge to a new authority figure - build a foundation of love, understanding, and personal discipline that will make your new family special. Winning the Heart of Your Stepchild provides an indispensable road map for new moms and dads who want one vibrant, happy, blended family.

'Grey divorceees' are remarrying in record numbers, as are their widowed and single counterparts, a trend that is shaking up their grown-children, and sending shock waves through extended families everywhere. The issues that come up when parents and their adult children clash over remarriage pack an emotional as well as financial wallop. Conflicts arise over: family rituals, inheritances and wills, trust funds and prized possessions, living arrangements, care giving and illness. Author Terri P. Smith has interviewed dozens of families torn apart when the parents remarried. As an adult child who struggled to accept her parent's marriage herself, she brings a personal empathy and compassion to her subject.

A realistic and forthright resource, this practical guide for parents of blended families helps adults understand their children's feelings and cope with arising difficulties.

Love may be sweeter the second time around, but once the bliss of a newfound relationship wears off a little, the reality of being part of a stepfamily sets in. If you are one of the millions of remarried Americans facing the challenge of blending two existing families into one cohesive whole, you are part of a stepcouple—and you know all too well how hard it can be to make your marriage work in sometimes tough terrain.
Different parenting styles, finances, relationships with ex-spouses, legal matters, and even seemingly simple issues such as the kinds of chores assigned to children can chisel away at your union if you don’t always make your marriage a priority.
Stepcoupling offers advice for stepcouples on how to do just that—all the while strengthening their blended family with a healthy marriage. Susan Wisdom and Jennifer Green provide tips and strategies on dealing with the issues remarried couples face, with a wealth of advice from real-life stepcouples, such as:
* Learning to tailor your expectations of your spouse or children and remembering that no family is perfect
* Knowing where your boundaries are, whether involving a hostile ex-spouse or a stepchild who demands too much attention
* Realizing that traits like flexibility, tolerance, forgiveness, and openness are especially essential in a stepfamily situation
* Making “us” time for talking, problem-solving, weekends away, and enjoying your marriage to constantly renew and strengthen your bond as a couple
Let this invaluable remarriage manual help you make your stepcouple the foundation of a strong, happy, and successful stepfamily.

Starting a relationship with a new person is always an adventure, and that adventure comes with extra thrills when your significant other is also a parent. Not only do you have to incorporate one new person into your life; you have to welcome that person?s children too. This guide will teach new and future stepparents how to:

Children who are cared for in an out of home placement are in need of support and stability. This classic text offers information and advice for professionals and carers on how to help these children, who will often have attachment difficulties.
Vera I. Fahlberg, M.D. shares her experience and expertise, outlining the significance of attachment and separation, the developmental stages specific to adoptive children and providing guidance on minimizing the trauma of moves. The book also features practical advice on case planning, managing behavior and direct work with children, and throughout are case studies and exercises which provide opportunities for further learning.
A readable, compassionate and practical text, A Child s Journey Through Placement provides the foundation, the resources, and the tools to help students, professionals, parents and others who care to support children on their journey through placement to adulthood.

An experienced psychologist who specializes in family relationships discusses remarriage and the relationship created between children and their newly acquired stepfather. This book describes the contributions a stepfather can make to his new family, with advice on how he can assume a reliable and reassuring presence in family life. Also discussed are some of the pitfalls a stepfather might encounter and how he can overcome them. The author stresses the importance of compromise and respect for others in resolving family conflicts. The titles in Barron's Parenting Keys series offer advice and information to parents and discuss the many challenges they face as they raise their children from infancy to maturity.

An honest and groundbreaking guide to understanding the complicated emotions that develop between stepmothers and children.
When faced with often overwhelming challenges, what woman with stepchildren is unfamiliar with that “stepmonster” feeling? Half of all women in the United States will live with or marry a man with children. To guide women new to this role—and empower those who are struggling with it—Wednesday Martin draws upon her own experience as a stepmother. She's frank about the harrowing process of becoming a stepmother, she considers the myths and realities of being married to a man with children, and she counteracts the cultural notion that stepmothers are solely responsible for the problems that often develop. Along the way, she interviews other stepmothers and stepchildren and offers up fascinating insights from literature, anthropology, psychology, and evolutionary biology that explain the little-understood realities of this unique parent-child relationship and—in an unexpected twist—shows why the myth of the Wicked Stepmother is the single best tool for understanding who real stepmothers are and how they feel.

Love may be sweeter the second time around, but once the bliss of a newfound relationship wears off a little, the reality of being part of a stepfamily sets in. If you are one of the millions of remarried Americans facing the challenge of blending two existing families into one cohesive whole, you are part of a stepcouple—and you know all too well how hard it can be to make your marriage work in sometimes tough terrain.
Different parenting styles, finances, relationships with ex-spouses, legal matters, and even seemingly simple issues such as the kinds of chores assigned to children can chisel away at your union if you don’t always make your marriage a priority.
Stepcoupling offers advice for stepcouples on how to do just that—all the while strengthening their blended family with a healthy marriage. Susan Wisdom and Jennifer Green provide tips and strategies on dealing with the issues remarried couples face, with a wealth of advice from real-life stepcouples, such as:
* Learning to tailor your expectations of your spouse or children and remembering that no family is perfect
* Knowing where your boundaries are, whether involving a hostile ex-spouse or a stepchild who demands too much attention
* Realizing that traits like flexibility, tolerance, forgiveness, and openness are especially essential in a stepfamily situation
* Making “us” time for talking, problem-solving, weekends away, and enjoying your marriage to constantly renew and strengthen your bond as a couple
Let this invaluable remarriage manual help you make your stepcouple the foundation of a strong, happy, and successful stepfamily.